


peanut butter & apple jelly

by muuny



Category: Catfish: The TV Show
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, a little naughty, basically what the summary says, they talk about the future and stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-24
Updated: 2015-07-24
Packaged: 2018-04-10 22:37:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4410557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/muuny/pseuds/muuny
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You can barely handle the Nev you've got now, and you're saying you want a baby <i>me?</i>"</p><p>"Crazy, right?"</p><p>or Max and Nev talk about life and babies.</p>
            </blockquote>





	peanut butter & apple jelly

**Author's Note:**

> Written for "baby anon," who shot this [prompt](http://chibichibiusaa.tumblr.com/post/119400155841/hi-your-nev-and-max-fanfiction-is-absolutely) my way. <3

_season four, episode nine..._

  
"Jesus, was he not the cutest thing?" Nev asks his partner.

It's a comfortable afternoon ride back to the hotel on a drizzly, autumn day in San Antonio. Faithfully to Nev's immediate right is Max riding along on the passenger's side. Well, he's not entirely there. In spirit, Max is back at Blaire and Terah's place, reliving the short but sweet moments of playing, cuddling, and just holding that plump, caramel-toned bundle of happiness. There was magic: the energy from little Ja'Kayden and his energy synced seamlessly, and the very next thing he knows he's thinking about the next decade of his life as well as what and who he wants in it.

A smile props up on his mouth, "Yeah. He was a pretty easy guy."

"Friendly, too. He even let you hold him."

"What's that supposed to mean?" But Max knows what it means.

"I'm surprised he didn't think that the fuzzy grey thing on your face was going to eat him alive."

"I presume the 'fuzzy grey thing' you're fondly referring to is my beard?"

"It's gotten wild; it's all over the place. You fed it, right? Is it napping now?"

Max's eyes take a tumble or two. His thick facial hair has been the butt of Nev's jokes for a good while now, so it's nothing new. He's been growing it out for months, and he keeps it neat, of course, when he has the time. It's an effective blanket against the nipping cold, and it gives him that tough, rugged image, not that he really cared. Basically, Max likes his beard, and he can get a little defensive about it. Knowing this, Nev chuckles at the man's sudden, silent pouting. It takes nearly nothing to ruffle his feathers.

"Whatever. He liked me, beard and all," Max argues, and Nev snickers even more.

"I'm only teasing, Maxie. Ja'Kayden obviously loved your beard," Nev briefly steers with his left hand and snakes his right hand over to caress the said beard, "and _I_ love your beard. It looks good. I especially love the way it tickles me whenever you eat me ou—"

"— _Drive_ , Nev."

Max tries to swat Nev's invasive hand away from his face, but Nev actually prevails, swallowing Max's hand in his and entangling their fingers. He presents the latter's wrist to his lips, and a soft kiss is left upon Max's pulse. Just like that, all is forgiven. Nev parks their joined hands on top of his right thigh, absolutely giddy. Max has to fight the dumb grin off his mouth.

It's so different now, and yet, it's all the same. In spite of the movie, the show, the long history, they fail to wind their smart brains around the very vivid reality that they are boyfriends. Mm— _low-key_ boyfriends, but whatever, they're seeing each other and that's official enough. Holding hands like they are is making them into jittering fools, and it's been a solid year. But such sensations are not entirely unfamiliar to them. The pitter-patter of their hearts, the spontaneous dryness in their throats, and the hot, sleepless nights where all either man could think about was the other... They realize that their stifled feelings and desires have always been there.

Or, in plain English, they're unquestionably whipped.

The guys are about a couple miles out from the hotel, ready to leave for Los Angeles some unruly hour in the morning. While Nev is tuning into the local radio—changing stations every so often in mid-song—Max is up to his nostrils in his own musings, speculating about his future and, hopefully someday, their future together. He's a man with extreme tunnel vision, which in itself is both a blessing and a curse. He persistently plans his life weeks if not months ahead, preoccupied with securing the future and not a big fan of wasting away in the present. Thinking about the days to come is something he does quite frequently, and watching little Ja'Kayden aimlessly crawl about his feet this afternoon has him wondering about the possibility of a similar pair tagging behind his own pretty soon.

Kids. Children. Babies. Max knows he wants them, and if he ever wants to build a life that included children, he desires for it to be with the person he loves. It's only rational, right? He holds hope in his heart—and some shreds of fear—that Nev has similar feelings, because the sole person Max has in mind is him. Children has never been a hot topic discussed between the two since their union, and it's not very common that he and Nev totally agree on everything. But this is a subject that cannot be sidelined for very long if they are to be in for this for the long haul—and that's the plan. They aren't getting any younger, so this conversation needs to happen relatively soon.

Like now.

"...I think I want kids."

Max just dives right in it; it fits his style. He's always seen value in being straight to the point. Nev roughly breaks his neck to look to the man in the passenger seat, aka Max. Or was this Max? He's not sure he heard correctly. Maybe his ears broke.

"Come again?"

"I _said_ , I think I want kids."

Nev makes that face. That face.

"Uhh. Run that by me one more time."

"Oh my g—I want _kids_ , Nev. What part of that is not getting through?"

"Oh I hear you. I'm honestly just... bamboozled. _Kids?_ I never thought I'd see the day when I'd hear you say something like that."

"Then surprise. Today's the day."

"Shit, it sure is. Well, hey, good luck with that, pal. Nothing's being pushed out of here, that's for sure."

It's supposed to be funny. Nev means for it to be funny. He's laughing. He thinks it's funny because it's true. He obviously lacks the necessary equipment to bear and birth a child; any idiot can see that. But Max isn't laughing. Which means it's actually _not_ funny. Nev's giggling dies down when he notices he's not in good company, and it's suddenly very quiet. The bad kind of quiet. His eyes swipe off the road to peep at the man on his right. Max is looking straight ahead, silent and still and not humored at all.

"You were being serious," Nev states, kind of in an "shit, I've done it now" tone.

"I wouldn't say it if I weren't serious about it, Nev. You know I don't just _say_ things," Max fires, rightfully annoyed. He shakes his hand from Nev's, loosely folds his arms into himself, and continues watching the road in eerie silence.

Nev does something smart and shuts the hell up the rest of the ride.

 

_hotel room..._

 

It is a lengthy and miserably quiet haul to their room. Max and Nev actually take the time to organize the majority of their belongings in an uncomfortable soup of silence. Now, this is the time when the couple would be all over each other, to hell with the unpacking. There is zero action going down in room 415. Max has not laid an eye or hand on Nev since the car ride—the conversation that ensued is still fresh in both minds—and Nev feels uncomfortably feverish. What he really wants is to pounce on Max and pin him down and ravage him out of his socks. But once he finishes rounding up his items, he sits anxiously on the bed in pretzel-legged form, watching Max pace from one area of the room to the other.

It's times like these when Nev's reminded that he has a sensitive man. Not that he minds, no, but sometimes that just means he must tread lightly when bringing up particular topics and saying certain things. Frankly, it sucks. He can't read Max's thoughts, not even after all the time they've shared in between. Must he walk on eggshells forever? That's no way to live. There are things Max selectively shares with him, but the other vices he keeps sealed away. Nev's never been a real big fan of his coping techniques, but it's what comes with the Max package, and he wouldn't trade him in for anything. He wants to talk to Max about the thoughts sealed in his head.

Because they're in this together now.

"Need help?" Nev speaks up.

"No."

"You suuure?"

"Yes, Nev, I'm almost done." It's a slightly waspish response. He's being short with him, too.

"You know what I think?"

"What?"

"I think you're mad at me."

"' _Mad?_ '"

"Yeah, mad."

"I'm not..." Max sighs, stands up straight, and faces him, "Nev. I'm not ' _mad_ ' at you."

"You're not?"

"No."

Nev suggestively spreads his legs. He is everything but shameless.

"Then get over here."

But he knows just how to reel Max in.

Enticed, Max walks to the end of the bed. He crawls, looking him over. Scanning him. From each blade of hair, to his knees, to his shoes. Nev smiles. Max communicates his thoughts with his body language probably more than he realizes. Nev always ends up physically caged somehow, or, perhaps not the word "caged." More like sheltered. Treasured. Loved.

He falls on his back in full submission, granting Max the working room to do whatever he pleases.

And it ends up being plenty of room.

Max's lips literally fall on top of Nev's, and from then on it's the start of some heavy, long overdue sex. Little by little they take turns shredding their remaining fall layers, hungrily holding onto another's lips like a life line. Having to be here and there with the crew at all hours severed into what little if not nonexistent time and privacy they had to be intimate together. Max has stellar discipline, and Nev tested it with his persistent, under-the-table teasing whenever permissible. Max never forgot all of his ministrations, however, and Nev is definitely reaping the seeds he's sown between the sheets.

It's all refreshing: The soft friction their gliding, damp skin creates, the delicate whimpering Max tries and fails to hide away in Nev's chest, and just the act of physically reconnecting with the man they cherish after days of nothingness is the very epitome of the word. Roughly an hour and a shattered, passionate moan of Max's name later, the couple has exhausted themselves. Nev ends up on top, but Max expertly rolls them both over without breaking the moist seal of their lips. The points of their noses touch, and their gazes lovingly knot. Nev keeps a smiling Max's head level in the seat of his palms, secures Max's tender gaze with his, and selfishly thinks he's the luckiest man alive.

"You were being serious, and I didn't take you seriously. I know how much that irritates you... and I apologize for that," he confesses.

Max acknowledges his apology, delivering two, three kisses of forgiveness to his jaw.

"'S alright. It's you, so I tolerate it. Plus, you've made up for it very well."

Nev grins conceitedly—he really did—and adds, "While we're on the subject of making up for things, still wanna talk about babies?"

Max's side smile tells it all. They reposition their naked bodies under the thin sheets. Nev gets comfortable for the chat on his human pillow and rests his head on the other's upper chest, the top of his head slightly below the man's chin. Max's heart is still stirring, proof that their romp really got him worked up. Nev smiles, all dopey because he's the cause. Max strums the soft strands of his partner's hair.

"Just seeing Ja'Kayden and playing with him got me thinking, you know, about the next five years, and where I want to be in my life."

"And it's alright for me to assume that you want a baby in the next five years?"

"I _see_ a baby in the next five years," Max corrects, "or I want to have a family before I'm forty."

"With who?" Nev bugs with a lifted head and an arched brow, "or, I suppose a better question would be, how exactly are you going to go about acquiring this baby? I really didn't mean to sound like an asshole back there in the car, but, I physically cannot give birth to a human child."

"First, obviously with you. And _gee_ , Nev. I didn't realize you actually weren't a woman— _of course you can't_. As far as going about it goes, what I would really like to do is take the surrogate route."

"Surrogacy? Any particular reason why?"

"Why else? I want a little Nev Schulman."

Nev laughs. The head-thrown-back brand of laugh. "Are you serious?" is seconds from leaping off the tip of his tongue, but he soon remembers Max's "I wouldn't say it if I weren't serious about it" and "You know I don't just say things" rant, and safely accepts that he's sincere.

"You can barely handle the Nev you've got now, and you're saying you want a baby _me?_ "

"Crazy, right?"

"Crazy... and expensive. How's all this getting paid for?"

"Adoption or getting a surrogate, either way it's gonna cost. I'm preparing for it. I've done some research on both subjects, and I've been putting money aside for a while."

"That's sure a lot of I's. And you were gonna tell me about all this _when?_ " Was Nev going to visit his house one day and find a baby on Max's knee?

"When I felt it was necessary. Since meeting Ja'Kayden, I think it's very necessary to talk about this now."

"Understandable. Well, I guess it's great that you're... preparing for all o' this, but have you thought about the possibility that I may not want kids?"

Max's nerves flinch at the younger's words. That's certainly not what he hoped to hear. He shifts onto his elbows, propping the upper half of his body upright, and lifting Nev with him. Decidedly, Nev shuffles off of his body, now lying on his side facing the other. He quickly continues before the quick-witted Max responds.

"Five years will be here sooner than you think. What if the surrogate thing doesn't end up working out? We'll have to adopt and hell, who knows if the adoption process takes five years? They're usually long, aren't they? That means we'll have to start making preparations now, and we're so busy and this is all just out of nowhere. A child is a big thing, Max. Like, I don't know if I can just up and throw everything into the air all for a child just yet."

"Alright, hold on," strains Max, reordering his limbs to match the other's posture, "Nev, this is what I'm hearing, and please correct me if I've misunderstood. You're saying you're not going to be ready to settle down in five years?"

"Five years, seven years. I don't... I'm not _for-sure_ for sure about it. There're just a lot of unknowns right now, a lot of stuff we've got to figure out. And, for one, if I'm having kids with anyone, I'm going to be married to that person first. That's just been a personal preference of mine."

Max is a bit of a traditionalist in some aspects of life. He understands and respects where Nev's coming from. But—

"—Is that supposed to scare me off?" he asks.

"No? All I'm literally saying is that I would like to be married before I have a family."

"Then we'll get married," states Max matter-of-factly, " _There_. What are the other unknowns?"

Nev swallows. He opens his mouth to answer Max's last question, but there's something about Max's response to his grand solution that has him irked.

"I don't think you're taking me seriously, Max."

Max throws a hand up, "I don't sense that I'm being taken seriously, either. You think I'm the type to just go and throw words around like 'we'll get married' and go back on them?"

"I didn't say any of that."

"It's kind of implied."

Nev's eyes struggle as they roll in his head.

"It's 'kind of' not, but there you go again, implying everything without asking me straight up. We've talked about that."

"Then if it's questions you want, I'll start with this: Do you want to get married?"

"Eventually, yes, I would like to get married one day."

"Then would you eventually want to get married to me?"

"If all goes well, yes, I would."

"'If all goes well?'" Max repeats. An interesting choice of words.

"Yes."

"Care to elaborate?"

Max is honestly scared of the response. He tries to mask it, but Nev sees through that shit like glass.

"I'm not rooting for anything bad to happen, but I'm not gonna pretend I have a magic 8 ball. Max, first, you have to understand that I wasn't prepared to answer to any of this. In all truth, this is just a lot to deal with. I'm still hung up on the fact that we're _together_. Even though it's coming up on a year for us, there are still conversations we need to have and things we need to discuss, one of those obviously being kids... but... there is something in my heart that I know for sure," and Nev takes the very hushed Max's hand, "I never want you out of my life, Max. For anything. Whatever you do, I want to be there. Wherever we go, I want you with me.

"And if it's what the future holds, maybe we _will_ get married. And I know we'll get married because we love each other, and I'll decide to marry you because I know I'll regret leaving you for someone else for the rest of my life if I don't. I wouldn't want to bring a child into a relationship with someone I didn't care for. I wouldn't even think on it. Believe me, there were many nights of me thinking over my life and what I want, and it's always come back to you. You are who I would want to have a family—a future with. I love you, and that's enough of a reason why I'd want to raise babies with you— _eventually_. Maybe I will be ready to consider children in five or six years, I don't know that right now. But in this moment, just Nev and Max is a handful. I'd like to just focus on you, on us, and see where all this goes. Is that okay?"

Max does not reply to the question, not with words. He makes his advance on Nev, his towering torso forcing the latter back into the sheets once again. They're nose to nose.

"One," Max begins, an open, languid kiss to Nev's pink mouth, "I love you, too. And secondly, _I_ have a magic 8 ball, and it says you aren't going anywhere."

"Oh, is that what it says?" Nev murmurs a little sultry, beaming just as sultry below.

"Sure does. I won't allow it. Ever."

Max isn't finished: They indulge in a great number of kisses. Free and slow and passionate. It's a minute before either has air. Nev winds up on top.

"...You'd really marry me?" Nev gently pants. 

"I don't see why not. I love you, so, might as well."

Two "I love you"s in a day? Nev's bones are mush by now. If someone told him years ago that he and Max would be considering marriage as they lie naked in a hotel bed, he would've told them to go fuck themselves.

"You know, we have our families to think about. I wonder how they're gonna take all this. 'Specially big bro," says Nev.

"Ugh, don't even remind me. The time will come for all o' that."

"Then we have our jobs to consider."

Max "yup"s with a sigh. A spell of ripe silence passes over.

"Are you worried?" Nev abruptly whispers into the sweet silence, his head settled on Max's chest.

"Worried about what?"

"About how everything'll pan out," Nev cranes his neck to look up at him, "an' don't lie."

Max takes a little time swimming and wading in Nev's syrupy-brown spheres. Within them, he sees the reflections of what could be—their wedding night, the couple being introduced to their son or daughter for the first time, their first sleepless nights as brand-new, helpless daddies—and he concludes that those precious moments are not worth an ounce of fear of the unknown.

"Honestly, yes, I am somewhat worried, and for good reasons," he grins down to his boyfriend, "but I do believe it'll all work out. As long as we stick by each other, we'll be okay with whatever. That's how I feel, at least."

And he genuinely believes in his words. They've weathered a lot as a team, and they'll surely weather much more potent storms when they go public with everything. They aren't in a rush with that part. The day will come as all days do, and when it does Max will be mentally and emotionally strong enough to endure everything that will come with it. Because he'll have Nev. So long as the man lying plastered on his chest is breathing, there will always be sunshine.

Nev is calmed by Max's response. He was more worried for Max than himself, naturally, but seemingly there is nothing to fret over. Despite his reply, Nev will ascertain that they keep communication between them open whenever possible. He knows Max is still not wholly comfortable yet being one hundred percent vulnerable—he isn't accustomed to such, rather—and he isn't offended by that. The little hidden pieces of Max he's allowed to see are rewards, and perhaps one good day Nev will have all of the pieces available to put together.

"So. Just to be one-hundred percent clear. We're officially getting married now," Nev says.

"Ideally, someone has to propose first, but as you've said, 'eventually, yes.' If that's what you truly want for us."

"Yes, Maxwell Joseph, that's truly what I want: you being stuck with me for the rest of your natural life."

" _Boy_ , aren't I lucky."

"The luckiest," Nev brings their eyes together again, "and question. Why must _I_ be the sperm donor?"

"Jus' because I want a baby Nev. She'd be cute, don't you think?"

Max is playing in his hair again. Nev's visage scrunches in amusement.

"'She?'"

"I'd like a baby girl."

"Listen to yourself, Max. First, you say you want a miniature Nev. Now you're saying you want to deal with a teenage, female Nev in the future?"

"I also hope whoever our surrogate will be dilutes as much of your sass as possible."

"Ha. For your sake you'd better pray. There'd be two of us, and you'd be outnumbered. What about a baby Max? I guarantee you that he'd be much easier to raise than a baby Nev. I bet he'd pop out with a camera in his hand and everything."

"So you want two kids?"

"Two will be good enough for me."

"I agree. Two is fine."

"Then it's settled," Nev shakes with a small jerk of realization, "Oh, and about the marriage. Are we doing the hyphen thing with the names or is one of us taking the other's last name? Either one's legal, I think, unless they changed something recently. It should be legal, but I haven't really explored the options."

Max happily groans, "It's whatever you want, Nev."

Whatever's easiest.

As long as he's happy.

**Author's Note:**

> i am sorry a million times for this taking so long, but thank you sooo much for your patience anonnie! i spent a good minute going back over and over on this for you so i hope you liked how everything turned out. :') i'd like to hear from you if you read it if it's not asking too much!! ////
> 
> thank you also to the other dears who took time to read this! [i don't bite](http://chibichibiusaa.tumblr.com/ask); i'm a big crybaby tbh


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